gracEmail
Edward Fudge

THE HURT THAT DARES NOT SPEAK
I did not write the following. It was sent to me by a gracEmail subscriber in a distant state. I believe this brother states an important message which is fundamental to the gospel. Please give it careful attention.

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"The couple sitting across from me were obviously nervous. As students in a well respected Christian seminary they were struggling with a fairly common situation -- trying to make a wise decision about sharing an apartment. Financial need made sharing a necessity, but fear of sexual involvement made it questionable. So far this story sounds pretty common. But this couple were both men. Christian men struggling with homosexual tendencies, pasts, and futures. They had heard that I had also come from a gay lifestyle but now was successfully dealing with living "straight." They knew that I could understand and would not judge them harshly in their dilemma.

"If this couple were in your church, would they feel the freedom to come to talk with you about their situation? They were very "regular" guys. No one knew of their inner struggles. Unlike other friends who have been struggling for year with being overweight, addiction to alcohol or drugs, or inability to find work, this particular struggle doesn’t show. In fact, this is one of the things that made struggling with homosexuality even more difficult. It doesn’t show and seemingly most Christians don’t even want to hear of it. One pastor, upon hearing my testimony, advised me to not share it with anyone in the church, "for fear that they wouldn’t understand." Yet this same pastor welcomed testimony from recovered drug addicts and others.

"Of course not everyone is equipped with the knowledge of how to deal with addiction, whether it be drug, alcohol, or sexual addiction. This is not wrong. But some subtle things that turn people away may need to be looked at. In our racially diverse culture we are sensitive to telling racial or ethnic jokes. Do you enjoy telling homosexual jokes? Could it be that the person politely laughing at your joke is actually dying inside, and reaffirming their belief that there is no one that they can share their struggle with?

"The gay agenda, gay theology, gay rights, gay pride, and all the other issues of interest to many of us are vital and need to be discussed -- in a right spirit. This is not "us" vs. "them." Some of "us" are struggling and need to feel the freedom to talk and seek help. Just as my two acquaintances in seminary came to me to talk, there may be someone waiting, watching you for the openness of spirit to let them know that you will listen, accept them, and pray with them for healing that only the Lord delivers."

gracEmail
Edward Fudge

NO COURAGE REQUIRED
Several kind readers responded to yesterday's gracEmail, titled "The hurt that dares not speak," commending my courage in writing the piece. I quickly wrote them back, explaining that I did not write the piece at all, which I stated at the top but these readers overlooked. Any commendations for courage go to the gracEmail subscriber who did pen the article and consented for me to print it.

The misunderstandings made me think again about the hard work good communication requires -- on both ends -- and the ease with which misunderstandings frequently occur. Although I labeled the article "guest gracEmail" and attributed it to "Anonymous," several readers, including my son and a colleague in my office, told me they did not "see" those notices until they had read the article, done a double-take and gone back to look at it again. The truth is that we all usually see and hear what we expect to see and hear, and our eyes easily pass over any information which contradicts our expectations. I failed to take that into account, in not providing an introductory sentence about the author.

My above-mentioned colleague, who happens to be a licensed psychologist, also told me that the greater the emotional impact of what we see or hear, the less our rationality governs the way we react to it. Our tempers might flare, for example, if someone shoves us from behind as we are getting off a bus. But our reason defuses our emotions when we turn and discover that the "offender" is a blind man with a cane. Yesterday's piece about the struggles of a homosexual man carried obvious emotional impact. That fact also contributed to miscommunication, my psychologist friend explained.

Finally, I try to put myself in the place of a reader who misread yesterday's article and thought, even briefly, that I was its author. How would that affect the reader's perception of me as the supposed author? Should it make any difference at all? The actual author is a Christian man who still struggles from time to time with residual homosexual thoughts. Yet for many years he has lived a heterosexual life, faithful to his marriage vows and modeling Christian morality for his children. What more does anyone have a right to ask? What a marvelous testimony to the sanctifying power of God!

For more on sexual issues, click here.