A gracEmail subscriber writes: “The note at the end of your column encourages readers to help spread this message ‘by every means possible.’ Does that mean you want me to nail it to doors, put it under automobile windshield wipers and throw copies into the air when the wind is blowing?’
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Although your question is neither biblical nor spiritual, the philanthropic purpose driving this column compels me to make every effort to ensure a proper answer. To that end, I have carefully considered your marital status, the legal character of your residential property, the quality and habits of your most frequent guests, and all other data provided in your “Personal Pertinent and Practical Probing Profile.” If only you were married, I would ask your wife to provide you the visceral response your creative suggestions truly deserve. However, since you never married, I offer the following advice until you can obtain better.
I see that you are sole owner and occupier of a large homestead. That works to your advantage in this situation, since it allows you to clutter your own premises to your heart’s content, provided that you can live with the results (which your very proposals prejudice me to presuppose), your occasional guests are not thereby overly distressed (unlikely for former college roommates with whom you once shared a moldy and unkempt Depression-era house), and you do not create a nuisance for your nearest neighbors (not a problem, since they already have relocated more than a mile away to escape the spectacle of your junked car collection and the aroma arising from your heaps of outdoor garbage).
In your formal questionnaire you cite as inspiration and precedent the action of the Reverend Herr Doctor Martin Luther, who famously nailed his 95 debate propositions (original title “Disputatio pro declaratione virtutis indulgentiaru”) to the Wittenberg Castle Church (WCC) door. Lest you find yourself under arrest for vandalism or disorderly conduct as a consequence of historical ignorance, however, you should be aware that in A.D. 1517, public documents were regularly nailed to the WCC door (due in part to the unavailability of staples and Scotch® tape, and in part to tariffs imposed by Prince Frederick III of Saxony on the import of cathedral-grade refrigerator door magnets).
Finally, I respectfully remind you that my invitation to assist in the enlargement of gracEmail’s distribution also specified the following particular means for accomplishing that result: “whether forwarding this email, posting or linking it on your blog, reprinting it for church use or making and distributing copies.” Nevertheless, I applaud your entrepreneurial spirit and missionary zeal, although I encourage you to confine the expression of both to channels that are legal, moral and otherwise considerate of your fellow-humans as well as the environment.